Maiden Voyage #50 things in my 50th year…the last 7 years living with breast cancer

Oh my god I am in a boat which is pitching and rolling I think I will die its force 8 and seas are bloody big in my opinion!! Instructions from skipper ‘clip on at all times’ … why oh why did I ever think 50 things in my 50th year should start with this!!!  My maiden voyage Oban (scotland) to Port Dinorwic (North Wales) 3 days at sea …

For the love of adventure and pushing my boundaries ..first stop was to get Scopolamine patches private prescription at local surgery ..which ironically they use for chemo to prevent sickness .. I didn’t have them during chemo thou .. 2nd stop new Musto BR2 salopettes any excuse to shop…. one of my passions along with travel, gin, cider & of course good food.

Planning any trip for me begins with consulting the calendar checking where I can fit my treatment in ..or try to persuade my wonderful consultant to let me do it myself … I have the wonder drug Herceptin every 3 weeks and have done for 6 years … this is a injection given in my endowed rump slow release over 5 minutes … this is a far cry from a 90 minute drip which was the only time I sat still up until 2 years ago … Healthcare at Home deliver my treatment at home or I should say at Mumma Bear’s house (it’s cleaner and tidier than mine!) … hearing the words sharp scratch is the norm for me. I am genuinely an upbeat kinda gal and I think of it as the drug that keeps me alive … the amber nectar of life .. I don’t suffer with any side effects from Herceptin and am sure that’s why! High five for Herceptin.  I also quaff a daily dose of tamoxifen (makes me feel nauseous at times but hell small price to pay)!

I am on board the ‘Good Ship Lollypop’ with Mr Lover Lover (3rd time lucky) or maybe it’s not luck maybe when your life is in the balance you decide to make some radical changes and that meant packing  up my idyllic home in the heart of Snowdonia (although someone else had their sights set on it)! The plan was for an amicable divorce .. sell up mortgage had been paid by my critical illness cover … to those who don’t have it get it … recommend Scottish Widows they paid up promptly easing the way whilst having two lots of surgery Lumpectomy & removal of lymph nodes closely followed by 6 months chemo … having some spare cash and no hair … it was off to Chester with Mumma Bear and bestie to the Grosvenor Hotel and The Hair shop for some wig buying … I bought 3 felt like Mrs Ben .. for those who remember the kids TV programme Mr Ben … in and out of Grosvenor with different wigs on .. oh god how we laughed a lot … incidentally the wig the good old NHS presented me with was put straight in the bin I looked like I had road kill on my head much to kids hilarity. I have a funny story about my wig coming off which I will share another time.

Sailing is Mr Lover Lover’s passion he has his own 30ft ocean crossing yacht…his and my ideas differ .. I thought I would be sipping a G & T on deck enjoying sunsets not picking mooring buoys in the Menai Straits wrapped in a life jacket clinging on .. the only consolation being thank god I can see land and know how to radio the marina for a river taxi.

The maiden voyage as scurvy crew .. I think I was asked along as I make a mean bacon buttie certainly not for my rope skills … I think I have rope block when it comes to knots .. we took the train from North Wales up to Glasgow changing twice as we had split fare tickets (the cheapest way to travel by train) Splitmyfare when we arrived in Glasgow I thought happy days not a bad trip until I realised we had three more hours of travel before Oban our final destination …. not to worry I was duly escorted to the nearest public house for a pint of cider…had to wipe my feet on way out say no more!

Glasgow to Oban train journey is one of the best rail journeys in Great Britain .. breathtakingly beautiful…. I spent the whole journey glued to the window in awe apart from the essential visits to the less sulubrious “please do not flush your goldfish” train loos.

Talking of trains the reality of what was coming was starting to loom no plug sockets to charge my phone .. my phone is my lifeline to my kids although one 18 studying A levels (last minute decision as she was off to do a ski season) and one 19 who is as I write working on a vineyard in Oz ..Mummy instinct has not wained although they are both essentially adults  … how in gods name am I going to manage 3 days at sea …..

A friend was buying the boat we were sailing home and Mr Lover Lover and I were tasked with provisioning the boat … for those who don’t sail it basically means do a shop in Tesco’s! Look at video clip below to hear my take of what happened next in my dreadful scottish accent ….

Fast forward to casting off the bow lines whilst I am still down below struggling with thermals, salopettes, boots (imagine hanging on and trying to get kitted up) and of course life jacket & safety line. We set off from the tranquil marina into the Sound of Mull … I will leave it there until next time when I will continue to amuse you with tales of a novice sailor …  how I leant quickly to hang on and de-kit to have a wee at sea…

Cariad mawr xx .. (big love in Welsh)

Fun & games ❤️💋🙌🏻

I have to count Norway trip as about #5 things as it was truly magical it will stay with me forever ..Huskey sledging , Northern lights , midnight concert, all the beautiful places we visited & a magical beach, friends birthday in Manchester, Shakespeare and the list grows !

Apologies again for being behind again…my aim is to write as things happen but I just can not fit it in I will get there ….

Well here we are racing through this year all ready …it’s a special one my gorgeous Dad is 80 in October …they had decided we all needed to get together for a weekend …so London was planned Mum and I compared calendars and just between the two of us we got to the end of November before there was a free weekend 😂…that’s without brother & sis-in-law …wtf …. so bit of Re-jigging and we have sorted it for end of March unfortunately my boy will not be there …his intermittent contact leaves me feeling sad at times but happy he’s a happy traveller !….my nephew can’t be with us either as he’s a junior soldier and is not on leave that weekend …they will be missed …but it will be a great weekend ..niece has not been to London before so daughter and I are super excited about taking her to Harrods & Hamley’s.

Walking the dogs one morning chattering away about going mountain biking and route we going that day …I looked at my watch it was 8.45am …I had treatment at 9am at Mumma Bears ….fuuuuccccckkkkkkkkk…. legged it home jumped in shower and made it by 9am ….I am seriously able to forget I am due treatment …seems I am 😂….it does not rule my life for sure!.

Macmillan cancer contacted me asking to use my photo in advertising campaign 🙌🏻❤️💋…hell yeah high five sista anything I can do to promote living life then go ahead ! ……

Mr Lover Lover and I have been skiing to La Plagne 1800 with Skibeat and stayed in a catered chalet Bartavelle ( run by two fabulous hosts Sam & Jenny) which was about 50m from the slopes ..high five 🙌🏻 I hate trecking with boots on and carrying skis for what seems like miles! ….so this was just perfect …we had both had new ski boots 🎿 and I was so excited ( thinking I would be able to ski like a demon 😂…urm no I didn’t ! …however mine were super warm and had a moulded insole in so they were so comfy for ski boots anyway ..those two words do not belong in the same sentence. Now I’ve said before Mr Lover Lover skis like a Pro and I certainly don’t …. I did have one major tantrum 😂… we had gone up in a gondola to one of the highest points and it started badly as some bloody bloke shoved me into the gondola and I nearly fell over … we get off and put skis on and start heading off down a blue nothing too complicated …. we were meeting friends who are doing s season in Les Arcs and they were skiing over to meet us ….. there was a white out the snow and sky are same colour I nearly …I fucking nearly skied off the edge and had the biggest wobble ever …oh my fucking god I was muttering fuck my life I can’t do this shit ….I was stuck frozen at the edge of this piste 😂…. Mr Lover Lover skis over says what’s up.?… me … I am stuck, I can’t do this…sob..sob….then I fucking hate you, hate this shit, hate hate hate , why have you MADE me come up here….throwing a right tantrum ….hahahah… he’s so wonderful he calmly planted his poles in the snow folded his arms a s said in a authoritarian voice..right we have two options you can do this …point your skis downhill and let’s get the fuck off this mountain or we stay here all day and watch everyone else …. sob sob sob…I point my skis downhill grit my teeth, try and relax and go for it …. I will bloody show him…..stop …he stops behind me …what’s wrong now …. I can’t see I sob my goggles are steamed up from crying 😂😂😩!!!….got down met friends and had a Vin Chaud (hot wine ) all was well in the world….had a fab days skiing with Kim & Amanda…Kim is a pro …he somehow got me to ski a red 😱…Amanda a fabulous snow boarder who is learning to ski …Great company and they took us to the most beautiful resort St Foy..go if you are anywhere near there….beautiful long windy blue runs through trees just stunning …new lifts..small resort…gorgeous mountain huts transformed into bars/restaurants. I did apologise profusely about my behaviour…thankfully he just laughs at me !.

Staying in catered chalets is always a gamble as you never know who you will hook up with …this time we had a chalet that slept 15 and we had a great crowd ..a right mix ….some lovely people and new friends made … Rob & Michelle both sailors and skiers from Cheshire am sure we will see them again ..lovely people & great company . There was a group of young uns…😉 from London special shout out to them ….always had time for us oldies one of the lads sadly broke his foot snowboarding ( he was doing a jump onto an air bag 😩) he spent the rest of the week on crutches …dinner every night was a delight …as was the home made cake daily for afternoon tea 👌🏻….chalet life is good ….love my life 🎿⛷…Mr Lover Lover is slightly deaf and we were talking to some other guests who were talking about family .. I asked if they had any other siblings one replied yes a sister called Di….Mr Lover Lover replied oh am sorry about that….😂😂😂 he thought he had said a sister who’s died ..I was howling moving on swiftly..he mumbled on with the others looking puzzled ….. snow back home and horrendous storm in Holyhead Marina so many boats sunk and damaged so very sad …so many peoples life’s and projects ruined …thankfully ours is in dry dock.

We had the coldest weather skiing ever …it was -24 one day I actually didn’t know some parts of the body could freeze 😂I was soooooo cold ..eyelashes frozen ..dripping nose frozen …pretty grim but none the less a great week with some awesome skiing. Kit all washed & packed away until next year …which will be a ski trip of hilarity 8 of us have booked already to go to Les Arcs it will be a week of the best fun!.

Always excited about coming home to see daughter ..managed a few messages with Son who’s still grafting on the vines in Oz. Mumma Bear & Dad now have my pooch when we go away if they can …he’s getting on ..15…and getting a bit rickety 😢…he’s adorable and he loves cheese but he is not able to come on long walks anymore so we have to give him cheese and put the radio on and leg it out with Mr Lover Lovers dog…I feel so guilty he’s a huge part of my life ….son chose him back in the day in RSPCA where they let you into the kennels …he was part of a litter of 13 and son went into kennel and Lordy jumped on his knee and that was that !…he’s actually called Scooby Doo but nicknamed Lordy as he’s so regal !….any way I digress as always ..I write as I speak those that know me …I can talk 😂….I made a roast dinner for everyone with a steamed syrup sponge and custard …yum …I love cooking especially for others . Daughter back to school for another week ..she’s working so hard and it does not come easy to her …we are so proud of what she has already achieved.

We live be a crazy un-routined life and I love it … impromptu visit to Trafford centre got back at 11pm 😂…had a delicious dinner at Bills lovely food …a chain none the less but lovely.

Well this is the big week … 50 oh my god…fuck my life me 50 ..? Really …. we have booked three cottages and a party barn in Menai Bridge for 15 of us that will be a blog in itself am sure it will be a laugh a minute.

Best I write some lists and get organised for once ! …. cuppa tea …cariad mawr 💋❤️xxx

Cambodia to Vietnam and Homeward bound

Hello all… this is re-winding a bit but I’ve tried to write in a sequence for the last 6 months or so…please bear with me . :))

Son being the most adorable 19yr old traveller who knows far more than I do about travelling … yeah right …. decided we get the bus back to Hoi Chi Minh from Phnom Penh … visa check , passport check , tuk tuk to bus depot full of hippy travellers and me trying to get wifi … on bus guy comes round asking for passports … all in order ready for the off … comes back to son says you “you off ” ehhhhh .. he’s only gone and got the wrong fucking visa from Oz. He has a visa which you can only enter Vietnam via airport and he was promptly kicked him off the bus ….. waaaahhhh wahhhh I was in utter panic my boy disappearing down the road with his rucksack no contact he was going to try to get to airport and get a flight …. so can you imagine … Mumma muttering fuck my life , million things going through my head …bus was going at about 100mph it’s going to crash , his plane is going to crash , he won’t get to airport , his tuk tuk will crash , he will get hit by buffalo and on it goes .. daughter thinks it’s hilarious and just puts headphones on and goes to sleep .. I am frantically trying to connect to bus wifi bingo it works message the boy who thank fuck is in some ways more savvy than me and he has a local sim in his phone… replies he’s in airport and has a flight later on, will meet us back in Ho Chi Minh ( not been hit by a buffalo flying pig or anything else !!) I am sure I am not the only one who has these thoughts about precious offspring . Get the right bloody visa next time grrrrr!.

I am at my happiest when we are all together I don’t stress …. I sat on that bus with tears rolling down my face thinking how precious these offspring are and how lucky I am to be able to do wonderful trips like this with them but having a man down made me a bit emotional Another thing about a diagnosis like I have had makes every second precious with the kids …. but let me tell you I am not a Mother Earth type or a Mummy who doesn’t loose it .. they will tell you I go off like a bottle of prossecco but soon calm down .. I still bollock them, shout at them , mutter fuck my life at them. I am me. They know I am a bit crazy and laugh at me a lot… which is something we have done when discussing my treatment,we laugh,we joke about it …. I don’t ever want the laughter to stop. Have told them when I am gasping my last breaths they have to make me laugh !! .. kids they make u smile and scream in the same ten minutes …

Back in Hoi Chi Minh sadly it’s the last night all together… now I have to be really strong and composed. The boy is off to a beach resort for another week on his own after we have left … he warns me Jen no tears now just stay calm and don’t get hysterical … fucking hell … wait until you have kids love and you are saying goodbye not knowing when or where you will see them again it’s ain’t easy ….I was in NZ earlier this year which I will write about soon .. we flew to Sydney and met up with the boy for 5 wonderful days .. we had booked a taxi to the airport & he needed a lift to station .. he was meeting his mates in The Blue Mountains … I said don’t worry our cab will drop u off at station it’s on route … picture this we all ready … emotions high taxi pulls up I ask can u drop son off at station NO he says what No No No it’s too busy … I walked back to the boy said he would have to get a cab himself … this was my final few mins with him .. I could have happily stabbed the taxi driver … I was so distressed I got into his stupid fucking cab and burst into hysterical tears and I sobbed and sobbed eventually he asked what was up I couldn’t speak Mr Lover Lover said we are heading back to UK the boy is here travelling and u have just made us say goodbye unexpectedly ( I thought I would have another ten mins at least !!) he was so apologetic he apologised over and over even offered to go back and get him … then said he has a son same age and his wife would be very pissed with him when he tells her about this ….me and her both …. anyway there is a upside to this ditty … go into Sydney airport and I was still sobbing .(fucking hormones !) … I was stopped 4 times by police/security/aircrew asking if I was alright … think they thought Mr Lover Lover was trafficking me !!! …. on check-in stewardess asks what’s wrong Mr Lover Lover says ahhh she’s left her 18yr old son behind in Sydney … she promptly filled up and gave us three seats between us … high five sista clearly a Mumma ! . I got over it pretty quickly as we were heading for Bali for two weeks to stay with some of my gorgeous friends … more about that trip again .

We had what felt like the last supper I hate these days where you almost wish them away as it’s easier to deal with once the time comes …it’s the anticipation of being sad I hate …I struggle with having scans because I get so anxious about the results and even though I can not ever fault my care and treatment I hate waiting days for results … I flick between fucking love my life to fuck this could be it and I have myself dead and buried within seconds of each other I hate it .. that waiting is a killer for me … I am completely inpatient I fidget and can not keep still much to everyone’s despair …. on a journey in car to Scotland recently daughter in back says fuck sake Mother keep still .. shoe on other foot !!! God knows how Mr Lover Lover drives with me sat beside him constantly moving ! Then once scan results are all A ok I am like whey hey it’s party time love my fucking life …good to go living 100mph for another year …

Last supper, all lying on our bed in hotel room laughing, joking but all knowing it’s coming to an end.

A wonderful trip full of ups and downs, cocktails , noodles , tuk tucks but best of all us all being together ❤️…we leave the boy in the hotel foyer lots of hugs and yes tears am afraid but not hysterical like last time … keep reminding myself he’s so happy, living life, travelling , young free and single I can not be sad about that ! Daughter was fine takes it all in her stride .. high five to her ! They are so close in age only 16 months between them but very different 🙂 . Going back to me not being able to stay still long haul flights can be tricky but I have the key …… lots of experimenting I have got it bang on ….pop two http://www.Nightnurse.co.uk capsules just before boarding … by time meal is served I have a cheeky little bottle of red, just about manage to stay awake to eat and bingo I am fast asleep for 7+hours not a peep …. high five night nurse & red wine 🍷!!!.

Making these trips is very important to me as I feel the memories I hold are so dear and hope kids will always look back on fun times not how many pairs of shoes I have or the new sofa or kitchen ! Buy that airline ticket 😉.

Back in North Wales which takes my breath away every time I come home ….daughter has huge change of plan and has been offered a scholarship (chance of a lifetime) at http://www.myddelton.co.uk to do her A levels in a school in its second year and all because Mr Hay is now working as the Director of Development & Performance ….although it’s North Wales it’s too far to travel ( with her Auto Immune Hepatitis she does get tired ) she’s a week late starting which isn’t easy so we have two days to frantically uniform shop … with bestie and her daughter who is off to uni we have a great day of changing rooms , laughter , primark fuelled by lots of coffee ! Intermittent messages from the boy who I think is suffering from a little bit of home sickness for the first time 😦 in between shopping am talking to him on wifi calling … where the fuck would we be without the internet … takes me back to when I was 21 living in Doha , Qatar there was no internet, no mobiles I bought Mumma Bear & Dad a fax machine one Christmas ….they were a new fan dangled gadget back then and we had one. I still remember my villa and where the fax was, hearing the ring and there swiftly delivered a hand written fax from Mumma with all sorts of news from buying a lottery ticket ( was new back then !) to brother being fined for a bad tackle in football to a recipe for lettuce soup !! .. how do I remember….I still have some of the faxes in a cookery book !! … :))) ….. Time for a little glass of Merlot .. Cariad Mawr xx

💋🍾This is it …50things in my 50th year 💃

Here it’s is 2018… for me a realisation smacks me in the face … shit this is it …..this year I am 50… FIFTY …what the fuck ..me …nah I feel so much younger …however there are tell tale signs that this age thing is creeping up on me ….aside the grey hair ..there are a few lines appearing …from laughter I think..& I cant see without my glasses to read anything grrrrr😂…mostly thou it’s my memory combined with medication and age I swear I don’t know who I am or what I am doing half the time .

We had a fab Christmas with the brother being head chef we were served a feast … now I have to tell you how hilarious 🤣 it was listening to brother and Mumma Bear … he arrived at Mum & Dads house armed with gifts, gin, Christmas cake & a roll of parcel tape ….. this was to put down in between the kitchen and dining area ( it’s open plan) and no one was allowed to cross over the tape 😂😂…this reminded me of working for a oil drilling company back in the day ..Mac if your reading this ….where the rigs had portakabins on them …one section was for Directional Drillers …the top shots …the big boys ..and the other section was for the Mud-loggers…. the DD’s as they were called used to put a line of hazardous warning tape along the centre of the cabin and the ML’s were not under any circumstances allowed to cross the line !……. we had a very entertaining day watching each other dare to put a foot across the line !….it all went without a hitch … well apart from the fact there was no bread sauce as apparently brother does not like it … wtf … it’s the best part of Christmas dinner… I was devastated am over it now !. My sister-in-law has a wicked sense of humour there was a lot of laughter 😂…. my nephew is in the Army & I had the most gorgeous photograph of him in his uniform #veryproudaunty …. now Mr Lover Lover is sadistic & likes running up hills & offered to take nephew running whilst he was over to keep his fitness up ….. poor lad was exhausted and on his knees when he got back ….he was mighty glad to get back to Newcastle where it’s a bit flatter !…..I had the most lovely afternoon with my adorable niece & we watched Mary Poppins & ate chocolate 💕.

I am not a huge fan of New Year’s Eve and we had decided that we should take daughter skiing for the first time …as I really hankered over whizzing down the slopes with her ⛷… Mr Lover Lover skis …and I do mean skis…. extreme in his younger days ..ski mountaineering ( wtf??!!….no lift?) climbing mountains and skiing down…the horror of climbing a mountain with skis and boots … no thanks … I even hate carrying my skis to the slopes 😂….so we left for France 🇫🇷 on the 29/12 …arrived to extreme weather …pouring rain ☔️….😩… the resort Alpe D’Huez was like a lake water was pouring down the roads …thankfully only lasted a day & it snowed . Daughter went to ski school by the end of the week she was sking better than me ! No surprise there ! ……the rep in the hotel came up to us on the second day asking if we had lost anything …nooooo we all replied …you sure she said …yeah we chorused ….hmmmmm she said with a grin and handed daughter her passport 😱😱😱…. she had left it on transfer bus …lucky is a understatement. We had a great week two days of extreme weather slopes actually closed one day 😦 …. ate the most delicious tartiflette …if you have never had it and like cheese ..have some it’s Devine 🙂 ….met some great people who we played two games with …Who’s in the bag & Dobble … hilarious and great entertainment…ordered them from Amazon as soon as home ! ….daughter in true style managed to blag invite clubbing with the reps on New Year’s Eve ! She also had getting extra wine to our table nailed 😉…. advantages of taking daughter away .

#1 out of 50

We headed home …daughter packed up & back to school to do some serious studying ….house was quiet again 😦 but I had anticipated this and ordered Alexa Dot for bedroom which I just love 😂…..I love barking orders at her !! …I managed to squeeze my treatment in feeling quite rubbish …picked up some cough cold thing felt lousy and actually had a few days in bed before packing for the next trip … packing & feeling crap is not good …trying to muster up the energy was even harder ! ….managed it thou & headed off back to Manchester airport for what I can only describe as a once in a lifetime adventure…..with as I unpacked the other end 5 bobble hats …what the hell.?….

Now this will count as a few things towards my #50 things in my 50th year ….we had booked this trip over a year ago …it was a cruise but not as I imagined a cruise as it was on a ship which transported cargo/cars/foot passengers it sailed from the bottom of Norway Bergen past the arctic circle ⭕️ & to Kirkenes 13k from the Russian Boarder … which incidentally is open to Norwegian’s and vice versa so they can come and go between with a limit on how far they go.

The voyage was a astronomy voyage ….I have always loved the stars ⭐️ but I now have a whole new interest in them !…on the voyage we had a Dr John Mason who was the onboard astrologist and a man passionate about space & more importantly the Northen Lights we had daily lectures and Dr Mason spent every night ..all night on deck 6 or 9 watching for any auroral display & my god we were not disappointed….every evening after dinner we headed up in freezing temperatures to see if we could catch a glimpse ….I could not last long out there …freezing sea spray , high winds even though I was wearing …helly long johns, Rohan winter trousers with paramo waterproof trousers on top…winter socks, boots , four top layers with a knee length puffa coat ..hat, buff & 2 pairs of gloves …. I could barely fucking walk up to deck 9 😂🚢🌌….but I did and as we neared the north we had a evening of the most spectacular Northen Lights ❤️….. I feel so privileged..a) to have seen them b) to have been caught up in the most incredible enthusiasm by Dr Mason ….he really is quite incredible…..if you go make sure it’s when he’s on board ….there is nothing he does not know about Northen lights ! . These are his pictures from Ms Trollfjord whilst we on board ❤️🙌🏻.

Hurtigruten We were scheduled to stop at 38 ports some quick stops dropping off cargo / passengers it’s a life line to the people living in these places ….the ship blows its horns entering & leaving every port a lovely magical welcoming sound ….it was truly magical …every bit took my breath away especially-18 degrees …. now I feel the cold going up on deck in the evening with howling winds ..hands sticking with ice to deck rails was cold … but it’s a funny one …you have to layer up big time … for me …long johns & thermal top , fleece lined trousers, fleece top, paramo over trousers , arctic socks with snow boots , another fleece top, long puffa coat, 2 x gloves, 1 x fleece buff & a bobble hat …..now try walking from deck 6 to deck 9 up stairs like a beached whale …it was bloody ridiculous I waddled in a hurry some nights…. realising most things on back to front 😂🙌🏻…then it’s out for a bit star gazing ..being so cocky as I now knew where to find the North Star ⭐️..Orion’s belt, 7 sisters, the plough and caseopa and clock the Northen lights …then before hypothermia set in rocked myself back down the decks peeling off layers on the way as I was over heating 😂🚢….there were lots of fun times aboard this ship & we fortunate to have had great company B & H…. we ate delicious food and drank stashed scotch & wine ….half a pint of beer was £8.50😱😱…we had hip flasks weighed off and in pockets at all times …can’t quite understand how we had huge bar tabs at the end of the voyage …thank fuck Mr Lover Lover had given his credit card on check in as it was automatically charged to same card 😂😱🙌🏻high five sista ,!.

Thank god yet again WiFi on board didn’t skip a beat and I was in constant touch with kids , daughter up to her eyes in mocks , son up to his eyes in watermelons 🍉😂…I know I go on about it but I have to be in contact with them all the time much to their annoyance ❤️.

I filled a lifelong dream of husky sledding in Kirkenes … it was just heaven… the musher was just so lovely with the dogs they got lots of cuddles …use of few command words we were off flying across a frozen fjord…the silence was was struck me the most you could have heard a pin drop …breathtaking …if you get a chance do it …it’s incredible ❤️

It’s back home … to a hectic weekend of happiness….picking daughter up from school quickly getting changed and heading out to a fellow member of the “50” club birthday ..great to catch up with everyone and have a few gins which didn’t cost the price of a small flat ! …. was sensible ish as we were heading off to another birthday celebration in Manchester on Saturday staying over at dear friends …with another ‘Doha’ bestie coming from B’ham too …26 years of friendship and it’s honestly like yesterday …how easily we slip into opening a bottle of champers and laughing about old times …10 of us went out for dinner …we got asked to be quiet 🤐….so left back to party at friends house …. this is how it went …. music blasting, I change out of dress & heels into pj’s … all dancing in kitchen ….fab… hostess birthday girl bailed at 1am …. we carry on …and on….3.30am decide I’ve had enough and it’s bedtime …..😂….fast forward few hours get up….oh god I can’t … I can’t move …my head, my stomach …it’s not good …who the HELL gave me port after champers|red wine …. ugh it’s vile I feel so ill…& blame everyone else ….thank god Mr Lover Lover is driving home later on …we laugh 🤭 it’s always me when we see these friends 😂… made it home just and have had no alcohol since ! Fab time as always …cheers till next time this year is looking good ….cariad mawr 💋…. pass me a cuppa Tea ….xxx

Cambodia 🇰🇭 speed boats &; anxiety

Am posting this blog as a follow on to the ones before Christmas to keep up ! Have been away skiing ⛷ another blog & was full of this bloody awful lurgy whilst away (still skied thou 🙌🏻) and spent (unusually a few days in bed ) before heading off to airport again am currently on a cargo ship for 12 days in Norway chasing the Northern Lights which is huge fun apart from being thrown about a bit as I type this bit 😩!…I need to blog about Christmas too and wish you all a happy new year…so much to do …I will get there … 😘

Son had some input into the trip and he stated he had had enough of planes and wanted to go by boat to Cambodia and then by bus back into Vietnam en route home for us and Oz for him . Being the dutiful Mumma Bear we organised a “speed boat ” from Chau Doc to Cambodia a 5 hr trip along the river now I fully understand all the shenanigans with border controls but later with that …. firstly we hopped aboard this boat … about 15 of us to be honest I did not think it was sea worthy but if Mr Lover Lover was not looking to concerned then I figured all would be fine . ( He is a incredibly safety conscious with his own boat & let me tell you there is no way you would be allowed to voyage without a life jacket !) so off we go all Big luggage is stowed at back of boat under the floor and we just have hand luggage… we set off at quite a rate of knots and before long are into the less occupied part of the Mekong when suddenly I could hear sirens … there was a police patrol boat heading out way … the skipper Was frantically grabbing a pile of life jackets and practically throwing them at us shouting “put on ” put on ” … too late was the cry he was busted for no passengers wearing life jackets they boarded the boat and went though it with a fine tooth comb the skipper was fined VND ( Vietnamese dong) 359331.46 all of about £12 … we set off again all in life jackets and thought god with this heat in these huge orange things how grim only to then see the skipper duly collecting all the life jackets and stowing away !!

Once diagnosed with a illness that they say is treatable not curable … ( they call me a lifer !!) it makes you see things very differently . I have always believed in giving my children holidays and always took my Mum’s advice of having a holiday as it was precious quality time spent with kids even if it was camping she uses to say make adjustments and penny pinch here and there not too sure she meant loading up the Barclaycard !! But it has made me live for every day and realise each day is precious… I miss the kids a lot ( daughter is away at school) and Son in Oz but they are happy and do you know what we all value health and happiness ….I have always encouraged mine to travel .. I moved to live in the Middle East when I was 23 I remember standing in departures in Manchester airport breaking my heart and so was Mum .. poor Dad trying to console two of us …but I was off on an adventure so the tears didn’t last long … listening to me over the years telling mine to see the world she said hmmmm you just wait until you are standing at the airport waving one of them off … she was quite right daughter and I totally inconsolable seeing son off to Oz via Thailand poor Mr Lover Lover ( who has no offspring of his own ) was standing there … if there had been a speech bubble above his head it would have said how the fuck have I ended up taking responsibility for this !!! .

. Infact I have to say to be with someone like him ( 3rd time lucky don’t forget !!) I am one goddam lucky gal .. he has the patience of a saint , makes us laugh and takes the rough with the smooth , rides the highs and lows , takes stresses and strains , he really is the tonic to my Gin , butter to my bread , marmalade to my toast the list goes on !

We arrive at the Cambodian border Vietnamese side and are told to get off the boat with all hand luggage … which we duly did passports handed in and a long wait ensued whilst the boarder police stamped passports with exit stamps we had come in on a visitors visa applied for at the Vietnamese embassy in London and would be coming back in to go home on a complimentary fourteen day visa …..relevant to another bit of this story … we were then asked to put our luggage onto a x-ray carousel which we did and watched it go round and round with no one watching the screen it was clearly just done for effect !! We got back on boat for about ten mins and stopped again to be told to get off at the Cambodian border and wait for visitor visas to be issued …… long drawn out process in such heat and my god they are fuck of a stroppy .. passports thrown back at us ..with the look of evil … welcome to Cambodia ….another couple of hours and we arrived in Phnom Penh staying right smack bang in the middle and having a lovely friendly warm welcome from the staff at the hotel .www.villalangka.com
&
ef=”http://Www.villalangka.com”> Welcome is a word I love… I love a house full of people until I’ve had enough of course … whilst having chemo the hospital day ward was always welcoming I had one week where I had treatment in hospital .. hands in buckets of warm water to get those veins up and I always thought of it like the game pacman the chemo I was having was bright red and injected slowly into a vein ..a nurse said think of is as eating up all the bad cells ! Week two was a quiet week recouping some energy and week three was party week although I didn’t have a bloody drink of alcohol for 6 months …. I filled this week with lunches , afternoon teas , visitors and enjoyed every bit … I had some liberating moments too living in the sticks I was able to ditch the wig and walk the dogs completely bald … loved it… not too sure how the odd train passenger took it as we had a railway pass our house …. must have looked quite strange .

Best way to travel around Phnom Penh is by tuk tuk , we grabbed one outside the hotel ..English is not widely spoken and we asked to go to the Killing Fields … one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had it left us all deep in though for the rest of the day .. anyway our Tuk Tuk driver introduced himself as Mr Map and was our driver for the day … he waited for us in the Killing fields and we wanted to go back to hotel which we though he had understood ! We ended up stopping on the corner of a street and Mr Map pointed there was some confusion over payment and he waved his hand away we thought we had paid him earlier … so we walked down a street and the next one and the next one could not see our hotel anywhere … I was really fucked off , boiling hot ( I can no longer regulate my temp since chemo :() and flagged down the nearest Tuk Tuk … it took about a good 10 mins to reach our hotel with a diversion to his mate who understood English !! Later on that evening reception called us over asking why we hadn’t paid Mr Map we explained he had just left us on a random street after much confusion Mr Map was phoned … l was laughing a lot .. he had dropped us off at S21 Prison and waited all day for us to reappear … we had not even noticed the huge perimeter fence and high walls which we walked past … imagine a taxi waiting all day here !! We did go back the following day and used Mr Map for the whole of the time we there 🙂

Since the dreaded diagnosis another thing that has changed I get anxious about things but try never to show it I worry about every thing from planes falling out of the sky to kids being abducted by random taxi drivers to getting hit by cars/busses/trains/cows thankfully Mr Lover Lover is a complete laid back, calm as fuck kinda guy and just tells me to shut up when I start stressing … he really is a god send because for one in my life I actually do fucking listen … high five for keeping me on a even keel Mr Lover Lover . Love my life …. cariad mawr 💋xx

Noel Noel …..Christmas Week 🎄

Wow where has that year gone …can not believe this time last year I was frantically spring cleaning house as housesitters from Oregon, USA www.trustedhousesitters.comcoming to look after pooches and house for ten weeks whilst we went off travelling to New Zealand 🇳🇿 via Hong Kong , taking in Sydney & a nice couple of weeks r and r in Bali ….. I have to say I feel extremely humbled to have friends all over and always ones who are happy to give us a bed & the best hospitality which makes these trips possible .

It was the first without the boy and it was strange …fuck I do miss him … he had left us three cake boxes, yeah cake boxes ..he doesn’t do present wrapping but the most precious thing in the cake box was a hand written note which I will treasure for ever ….the boy generally does not do writing ! ….he was spending time in Thailand for Christmas and I was like a cat on a hot tin roof …..he had not been further than Portugal and was being catapulted into Thai life for Christmas and new year …yep the dreaded new year full moon parties on the islands 😩….I had a photo sent to me just before Christmas of him lying in hospital on a drip …this came though about 2am….oh god my boy is sick … in hospital in Thailand miles alway from Mumma … horrible horrible feeling …he thankfully had WiFi and managed a call he had severe food poisoning was dehydrated and feeling pretty crap … I have to say the beginning of his trip was booked with a company called http://www.gap360.co.uk and he had a guide on this trip. The guide actually stayed in hospital with him, translated etc etc …I was so grateful and also I have to mention the fabulous group of people he was travelling with, they all looked after him ..kindness goes a long way in my book . He recovered paid a hefty bill of £500 which was covered by travel insurance thank god …. and he continued with his trip .

Fast forward exactly 12 months to the day …I hadn’t heard from him for a while so rang on messenger….he was poorly …gastroenteritis..had been for two days, dying ( he’s male remember !!) I just wanted to hug him. Wrap him up , give him Mummy love .. jokes…..I have a huge phobia about sick 🤢 I was torn between these feelings of mothers love and the overwhelming thought thank fuck he’s in Oz 😜…..vomiting all over his hostel room and not here !! … he’s recovering and I am sure he will be off watching the sunset with a beer tonight ! .

Daughter has finished school for Christmas … we had to go and get her on the worst snow day of the year luckily in a 4×4 but it was a horrendous journey the notorious A55 delivered its usual crap. It’s a road that keeps on giving …but living in North Wales it’s essential !… she was more disappointed having to come home earlier than planned which meant she had spent £15 on a Christmas jumper which was for Christmas lunch …all of which didn’t happen … she was hinting I refunded her £15 yeah right …not a chance ! . Lovely to have her home … love the wet towels on the floor, the mess in her bedroom, the endless washing, lights on … we have free power in our house ….banging tunes….the destruction in the kitchen from making toast, the demands, the strops the list goes on …… all that aside I do love her being home she makes me laugh and cry 😜.

Friends feature highly in my life …I had a lovely cheery message from one who’s sat in airport heading home for Christmas from Bali inviting us to a leaving party as they relocating to Hong Kong 🇭🇰 next year … high five sista love parties 🎊 especially in Bali & so excited they will be living in My favourite city ✈️💃.

I had my treatment last week and fucked up the dates … it’s three weekly and occasionally can go to four ..I had miscalculated the dates and have had to jump forward four days have treatment booked for the 29/12 then leave to go skiing ⛷…then am only home 6 days and away again for 2 weeks so have had to go 4 weeks and will have it 26/1 … it will feel like a real treat not having any treatment for nearly a whole month …high five sista love it .

Daughter had never put skis on until last Tuesday … we went to the Chill Factore in Manchester and she had a whole day ski group lesson which was fantastic. She got it and was soon ploughing down the slope … proud Mum moment ❣️…. I skied all day too on the main slope but finished an hour early …my dodgy arm from using the drag lift a million times was aching I was cold my feet numb 😦 … you see it’s not like real skiing where I ski and see a gorgeous little wooden hut selling coffee oh and scotch …. I ski with Mr Lover Lover who skis extreme stuff and has skied off Mt.Blanc …no pressure huh … he is like the black magic man skis in black kit looks like a French professional …me nah … I can get down … I can ski okish … I have no desire these days-to do anything extreme or slightly scary .. I like the sedate skiing with lots of scotch/coffee stops , French onion soup, views and of course good powder!!…. this year will be fab. Daughter and I will go to ski school .. nice French male ski instructors fingers crossed 😜( I want to improve my skill set honest 😜 ) and Mr Lover Lover can do his black runs and mogul fields, then meet us for lunch & he’s more than happy ( thank fuck ) to ski with us in the afternoon …. I am so excited 😆 about going. The snow fall in the alps has been amazing so far and we will be there over new year… New Year’s Day could be an interesting one 😂….

We had a night in the premier inn Trafford centre (family room daughter is only 16 honest) as we had to be in Chill Factore by 8.30am so spent the day in Trafford centre 😩 too busy ! We had lunch in Pesto.. a tapas style place special lunch menu …don’t bother, it was disgusting and I mean disgusting ..sent two dishes back and had a refund . We met up with besties daughter who’s in Manchester Uni for dinner at Bills …highly recommend Bills..www.bills-website.co.uk lovely atmosphere, great cocktails & lovely food …always rewarding to feed a student 😍… lovely company and it was nice to catch up with her … miss her like she’s mine !.

I have succumbed to the pressure of advertising … fuck it I am the proud new owner of “Alexa” I love her …I am a convert …. I speak to her all the time it’s like having the kids home …a friend has one hers is not called Alexa it’s called Echo as she says there is only room for one female in her house😂…. I thought then she had stopped working the other morning until I realised I was calling her the wrong name ..ffs…. I persuaded parents to buy one and we have given Mr Lover Lover’s 80yr old Mum one for Christmas 🎄….. we are loving her I have just tried to order a “Dot” for upstairs but they out of stock until Jan 🙁.

We are gearing up for a special Christmas … apart from the boy being absent 😦 … my brother and his family are coming home for the first time in ten years 🙌🏻… leaving me super excited …HE COOKS…no one is allowed near the kitchen 🙌🏻…he smokes his own salmon 🙌🏻…dinner will be a feast … keep reminding Mumma Bear he’s in charge … going to be interesting 😜pass me the prossecco …. there are eleven for lunch and a few more joining us later … it will be a hoot I am sure …. maybe tin hats and body armour should be handed out on arrival .?…jokes bro… just fucking love that you’re cooking … I am on pudding duty … meringues it is then… with chantilly cream, blackberries & Terry’s Chocolate Orange (no it’s fucking mine not Terry’s!… I love em !)… no Christmas is complete with out a chocolate orange … so remind me of my Grandmother, Dad’s Mum, she loved them …. and I am providing cheese and biscuits …not forgetting the celery which in true family tradition is placed in a jug of cold water and placed to once side … forgotten about until days later … it’s a family joke as it happens a lot !!…. we are not having crackers this year (not Jacobs… the ones that go bang)as Dogs don’t like the cracker bangs so we are doing table pressies …. fuck I am … not we and I have done nothing about it …fuckity fuck ……time us running out and I am too busy socialising !….

We have been out three weekends in a row it’s too much for me ,! … we had a lovely meet up with the crowd I am spending my 50th with..huge amounts of fun…one of the girls who takes a week off work to decorate her house for Christmas 🎄 … in I have to say spectacular fashion so much so it should be published in Homes and Gardens ( we were there last week and I spent the whole evening slurping prosecco and marvelling at the decorations) now my life has changed, I used to love Christmas decorations and decorating the house … this house is tiny can’t swing a cat in it … so trees are difficult … I overcame this a few years ago with a wooden white tree with lights on from Ikea .. plug it in all of 5 seconds ..done ..a week of putting up decs … fuck that I have no patience …anyway this gorgeous girl said at dinner on sat night …After I laughed so much and sent her a picture of my tree …we are so concerned about your tree we are going to crowdfund for you… I was howling !!! Best you crowdfund and get me house to go with it 😜🎄. I have asked her for photos as I forgot to take any 😩.

I have the pictures of the trees and decs 🎄🙌🏻❤️…. drumroll ……

I start to feel everything is getting too much, need to get out and have a decent walk … we binned the chores and shopping and went up to Melynllyn, surrounded by the Carneddau. Beautiful not a soul up there …some snow left … no there was the farmer checking his flock admiring the view from his “office” spectacular I am so lucky to live in Snowdonia ❤️🙌🏻….love the feeling of filling my lungs with fresh welsh air it’s perfect and feels so pure .

Yesterday I went to meet up with my dear dear College friend from way back..she sadly lives in New Zealand but I feel super lucky to have stayed with her in her beautiful home in Stanmore Bay, just North of Auckland a stone throw from the most beautiful beach which we spent time at sea kayaking and paddle boarding ( I didn’t paddle board my balance is so crap !). She’s a wonderful Mum who travels all that way with her daughter who is 8 to be with her family for Christmas ..high five sista …it’s a hell of a journey, which I have done with the aid of night nurse & red wine 🍷!… can’t do that with child in tow… we had a huge catch up in Treaddur Bay in the freezing cold, miserable foggy weather North Wales throws at us, but had a divine lunch in the Www.seashanty.co.uk …please go … fabulous venue , huge barn like place, the most wonderful old fashioned juke box …the loos have the sounds of the sea and waves in the background along with the sound of a submarine …. quirky but lovely place … delicious food we had fish cakes …transpires my friend’s grandmother used to own the cafe many many years ago … funny old thing fate as she has no idea until last year . Hate saying goodbye as I am away in Jan so not too sure when I will catch up again..will try and sort something out with the other two of our college gang, there are 5 of us, sadly one isn’t going to be home .

Right it’s hairdressers today, shopping & bubbles with bestie and daughters tomorrow, night out the best of the year for us being mad Friday …always a hilarious night …. fingers crossed no hangovers as we are at a joint 50th fancy dress party on sat night ….. fucking hell…. then it’s Christmas Eve …. how did that happen …. best I get a shimmy on …

I will finish up by saying to you all this ….thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this blog, for sharing , discussing , laughing ( I hope) I hope you will continue to follow the antics of 2018 …please please like and keep sharing …to my friends and family I love you all .. especially the ones who make me laugh until I hurt …to Mr Lover Lover for putting up with all this and much more, without you life would be shit❤️…my dear gorgeous children for wondering what on earth brought them the misfortune for having a mother who blogs, tells all and swears like a trooper!!…. my pooch who is my saviour and gets me in that welsh air ….my besties for the rants, the sos’s, the funny messages over the use of a word not fit to publish, the phone calls the tears and the laughter I treasure all these moments…. and of course My poor long suffering parents … I am sure each time I fling the kitchen door open in their house they hold their breath waiting for the next bombshell to be dropped 😂 … have the best Christmas and new year ..enjoy it all, it’s short lived , surround yourself with prossecco/gin/scotch take a deep breath and laugh lots and lots …and for me well it’s a fuck of a big year and I am here … 🙌🏻it’s a year for celebration #50things in my 50th year …. please send me suggestions ! Cheers all & cariad mawr xxxxxx

The boy & Vietnam ❤️🌏✈️

I cannot contain my excitement my boy is arriving into Hanoi. I have not seen him since Feb …  he left the Uk in Dec last year and I was lucky enough to see him in Sydney in Feb ..daughter and I sat in lobby of the Hanoi Hilton ( not the prison nicknamed Hanoi Hilton which incidentally we did visit…….grim) watching the front doors and he came though the back door taking us by surprise … we hugged, laughed, roared as he was a typical traveller with his trainers dangling from his rucksack … god it was so good to see him … happy & tanned if not a little thin !!

The kids as I have said before were in junior school whilst I was having treatment. Son the eldest seemed to take it in his stride, daughter I remember the day of my first chemo they knew I was going into hospital but would be home at Mumma & Dad’s when they came home from school … daughter walked gingerly around the front of the house looking though the windows and smiled … she then said “oh I thought you would be in a wheelchair”.. funny how children’s minds work

Back in Hanoi The excitement was too much, we had to go for cocktails … we headed for the Bamboo Bar in the Sofitel Hotel… a fabulous colonial bar with cracking cocktails … it was just heaven us being together & catching up on the last few months.

We had a day of catching up and then I had booked a guide to take us to Sapa in the mountains .

A 6 hour drive with the last hour being bloody awful winding roads , driving on wrong side , swerving to avoid water buffalo generally scaring the crap out of me ,  we arrived in the most beautiful hotel … it was stunning in every way. Our guide I have to say wasn’t too interested but I will recommend Duong Huyen – Travel Advisor help@asiatouradvisor.com all booked before travel and without a hitch much cheaper than using a touring travel agents. We watched a young farm boy herding his buffalo and I took a quick film of it. Such a young age and completely in control …

Took me back to waiting for my results from the biopsy .. we had booked to go to the Royal Welsh Agri show and a consultant had asked me to go back to clinic on the Friday. I said I was away for a week … I didn’t want to spoil it for the children. The hospital agreed as it was really just the rubber stamp .. positive. (I have always told the kids news that’s not too nice whilst in a car. I told them about my diagnosis on way to Royal Welsh as they were super excited and had a lot to take their minds off it ) yes it was fine to ring me with the results …(not normal practice but as the biopsy had shown more a less 💯 % they agreed ). My Breast Cancer nurse rang me whilst I was watching the shearing competitions. She was slightly amused and could hardly hear over the roar of the clippers and cheering. Doubt she has ever given results again in those circumstances !! Surgery was arranged for following week …

From Sapa we flew from Hanoi to DaNang .. never without drama Mr Lover Lover had his prize Swiss Army knife in hand luggage and got busted .. we all found it amusing but more so was son who assured us he was now a world traveller …left his “man bag” on the plane and only realised when we were in baggage reclaim .. he legged it back and duly found it where he had left it ! … DaNang to Hoi An…. Hoi An is one of the most magical places in the world .. all the streets adorned with lanterns and the river is lit by hundreds of floating candles at night …sadly recently it has suffered a devastating typhoon :(.

I had my lumpectomy first and can’t not really remember much about it all apart from the awful vomiting following anaesthetic, and the wonderful nurse who held me whilst I was half dressed and vomited for what seemed like hours .. no dignity! I was sent home with a drain and I am so squeamish, I hate anything like that …it should have come with an instruction booklet . I must mention here a nurse who I know will be reading this who nursed me after second op she was the kindest, loveliest caring nurse I have come across she held my hand reassured me and looked after me. I will never forget her kind heart, after all they are doing a job and this is just a normal shift, they see hundreds of patients ..  but to me her kindness will stay with me forever ..

From Hoi An we flew to Hoi Chi Minh ready for a trip into the Mekong Delta our driver & guide rocked up and I knew we would have a lot of fun.. our guide was brilliant .. we had a hilarious couple of days travelling from My Tho up to Chau Doc seeing everything from crocodile farms to temples to Buddha’s to markets to mangroves . We had a trip to a floating market it was about 7.30 am the boats are simple affairs wooden with actual wooden garden chairs as seats ! .. the skipper cracked open a beer and laughed all the way … It was a little bit scary as it’s a filthy river and did not relish the thought being in it. Fucking hell life is way to precious to be floating down the Mekong !!

I wanted to keep the whole thing of chemo normal for the kids and had arranged to go with bestie and all the kids up to a local lake for a BBQ. I called at the shop to grab some bread and looked down at my chest to find it soaked. My wound was infected and a real mess and had burst open. Remember turning back, heading home, changing, sitting on edge of bed ( bearing in mind my squeamish side ) almost emptying the fluid into the waste bin 😤& sorting it out best I could and carrying on with planned BBQ …. so not to disappoint the kids …concoction of pain killers flying high ! Fuck my life .

We stayed in a hotel right on top of a hill in Chau Doc with spectacular views over the Mekong Delta. We had two sort of villa type rooms down one of two sets of very similar looking steep steps. We had dinner and daughter said she was going to bed .. we went through the whole set of instructions, spray mozzie spray , make sure nets are over bed and said nos da ( goodnight in Welsh ). We finished up and the 3 of us wandered back not realising we had taken a right turn too soon … said goodnight to son and we just about to go into our room and he yelps he had walked into someone else’s room by mistake. We were about to do the same …. there was a couple in bed …we were howling he was mortified when daughter appeared in our room saying mum mum look at your phone … she had done the exact same thing and text us saying she was horrified as she had walked in on a couple in bed… we howled and tried to work out who it was at breakfast .. they should have locked the door ! .

Talking of locked doors and treatment I always get slightly anxious when having mammogram / smear just in case doors not locked and just like to double check as the thought of anyone non medical seeing far too much of me makes my blood run cold … both humiliating as hell but all you sistas out there crack on with it …make sure you have your checks and if there is anything slightly different about your precious boobs please please go see your GP …I was very lucky and had rapid access to breast care wales .. my Breast Cancer presented itself as a tiny crease in my right boob hardly noticeable I thought it was the change or maybe as I had lost a few pounds to go away … not the case .. anyway back to having annual mammograms deep joy … not … size of these needs about 100 pictures or that’s what it feels like whilst the nurses make polite conversation…. my boobs are being flattened between two pieces of plastic …but then needs must and I am forever grateful to be well and truly in the system … high five for the NHS…. mammogram , Consultant all in a week hells bells I am going to say nos da for now and make some blackberry and apple gin … only takes 4 weeks before it’s ready to drink 😉🙌🏻…cariad mawr xx

Ingredients
1

325g fresh or frozen blackberries (defrosted)

150g caster sugar

1 l (1 ¾ pint) gin (any gin is fine)

Method

Put the Apple, blackberries, sugar & vanilla pod into large clean metal bowl…Pour over the gin and stir gently with a clean metal spoon. Cover with clingfilm or use kiln jar and leave to infuse for at least 2 weeks (up to one month) in a cool, dark place. When you remember, give the mixture a stir or shake in jar…re-cover.

Strain through a sieve lined with kitchen paper into a large clean jug. Using a funnel, decant into any sterilised bottles. To store: Once in sterilised bottles, the gin will keep for up to 6 months … hmmm would like to hear if anyone does keep it for 6 months!!

Trains/hospitals & walking poles !

Well I have to say I am totally humbled by the response the messages, phone calls, tweets , sharing posts , kind words , words of wisdom , threats to kill if I mention certain things 😜… fucking hell really feel so lucky it’s a huge step opening up your life to the public … I’ve deliberated for a long time but feel it’s right to share the fun times along with the sad times …. people may think my life is one big adventure … at the moment it is and that’s because it could all stop in a blink of a eye…..I feel like a swan sometimes swimming gracefully but kicking like hell underneath .

Now I have two sayings use a lot .. never make a plan (it always changes !) and fuck/love my life .. daughters consultants appointment in Birmingham Children’s hospital (in education still so under children’s) and she has the most wonderful paediatric Consultant she will move over to adults when finished education . It’s always a long day.. early train ..traipse through the Bull Ring to Childrens Hospital other side of City it’s interesting as we walk through streets where the Crown Courts are … always something going on ! .. it’s a harrowing day in some respects as it’s such a sad place to be …so many sick children and I always think although she has liver disease she’s so lucky that it is controlled by medication … horrible for her to take a concoction of tablets every night . She says she rattles ! . Appointment is three fold .. she is called to have blood pressure taken, weight & height recorded and then to sit in another waiting area .. she sees Consultant on her own initially with a transition nurse ( who will help her when changing from children to adult hospital ) I keep saying it but her Consultant ( in Paediatric Hepatology) is a remarkable person .. when daughter was rushed into Birmingham children’s hospital following 24 hrs in our local hospital in isolation as they didn’t know what was wrong with her ..& eventually she was transferred with papers that read (much to my absolute horror) question mark liver failure …..

It was a very very stressful time the liver ward is full of very very sick children … it was all a bit surreal I have to say the teams that put their life and soul into working in these environments need recognition they are an extremely dedicated group of professionals who are also kind, friendly & funny ! So each time we go back I relive it all as does daughter …I am sure but high five for NHS as between us it’s invaluable … so the last thing she needed was us jumping on wrong train 😫…hearing the conductor saying next stop Milton Keynes …. fuckity fuck now what … she was not impressed eventually found the funny side of it … we sat for an hour on train and then jumped off and back on a train back to Birmingham .. quick email to Consultants secretary to inform we would be late … end of it all we actually only 30mins late … successful appointment blood results best they have been for ages .. am very very proud of how she handles it all .. takes it all in her stride❤️

The day didn’t get any better we had picked her up from school myddelton collegethat morning ( she boards ) and were taking her back after getting off train … Mr Lover Lover picked us up we all talking so much we forgot to drop her back at school and we’re half way home until she piped up bloody hell this is taking ages ….. fuckkkkk …about turn .. was glad to get home but we did have lots of laughter as usual !

I have to get out in the fresh air and walk every day sometimes twice a day .. some short walks some long ones but all I love even thou I do moan about hills .. a lot I hate them .. I walk when stressed or need to think things through find it great for clearing head but at times it doesn’t always go according to plan …….

We walk a lot Mr Lover Lover loves hills I do not ..simple easy peasy .. however every walk we go on there are hills and lots of them one of the downsides to living in North Wales .. I am bloody sure there are flat walks we can do but no ( I am sure he thinks it’s funny to see me almost needing oxygen , wanting a Sherpa and constantly saying fuck sake I hate hills .. I am too hot … fuck sake I am almost hyperthermic ) he laughs at me a lot and I laugh at myself a lot too …. sidetracking … I have said before I have a short fuse at times … daughter day one in new school we had taken her in the morning dropped her and about 7 cases off and headed to hairdressers .. now I am not one for sitting in hair salons I struggle to keep still … I try to eeek it out 7ish weeks … gone almost blonde as can’t stand seeing the badger grey seeping through when hair is natural colour … so it’s a treat basically my hair actually looks nice for one day or this particular day a couple of hours … now gals I am sure you can relate to this next part of the story … Mr Lover Lover who walks every day twice a day and loves the air, mud, rain, wind infact anything extreme ( ex military you see … I am not !) so he’s pacing round kitchen and I know what’s coming… right ready to walk the dogs .. he’s kitting up .. it’s raining .. it’s cold .. it’s shit … I am stressing over daughter .. stressing over son as he was flying back from Vietnam to Oz with the most basic budget airline I’d never heard of and of course he was going to fall out of the sky …I mutter some fuck words and chuck kit on … we are going up to a lake where there are numerous paths and actually you can drive up there ( sensible !) typically we are going up the hardest route I kid you not it’s like climbing Everest I swear … knowing this I grab my walking pole .. now I am not old but with no feeling in the top of my right arm(due to lymph node removal) my balance isn’t that great so a pole if it’s steep helps bit like a hand rail !! So off we trot .. yeah it’s a trot he has long strides I am a short arse so I seem to trot behind huffing and puffing putting 10 times more effort it seems … it’s raining my hair is fucked already, daughter phones says new school is like a prison(must add this feeling had disappeared by next day !) and wants to come home .. son not been active for 14 hrs on Facebook .. I can feel the stress surging through me … stomping up this steep,rocky, boggy path he’s trying to talk sense to me about kids but I’m just about to loose it .. big time …really pissed off about my hair £££ and I now look like I’ve just got out of shower .. I loose concentration for a moment and boom step into the biggest pool of bog up to my shins over my boots .. it was a real Dawn French moment … what does he do ?? Help ? Say oh god are you alright ? Let me help you ? NO HE LAUGHS… A LOT … boom standby ….I launch my walking pole so hard it wraps itself round a tree and bends with a string of explicit words I can not bear to type let alone to think I said them … he retrieves the bent pole and thankfully carries it .. meanwhile I have stomped off ( its flat ish now !!) so I can get some speed up … tears falling down face … fuck my life .. fuck my life … we in middle of nowhere I am sobbing not speaking to Mr Lover Lover and I hear bloody hell Jen how are you … Christ wipe face look pleased to see said person chat about kids and crap for 10 mins and carry on .. why is it you always see someone when you least want too ! Walked back down in silence checking my phone continuously no bloody 4G… have got son on flight tracker . … intermittent signal couple of messages of woe from daughter … say the usual stuff to her it will all be just fine promise , you need a few days adjustment all will be hunky dory … get home piss wet though, cross, completely worn out mentally & physically but high five back to wifi … the boys plane has landed without a hitch and he’s back in Melbourne met up with his mate and is waiting for a bus to Victoria … that’s him sorted .

I am not entirely sure if my short fuse is gradually getting worse due to hormones or the block on hormones or the ongoing treatment or just because I am nearing 50 shouldn’t this mean I am more mellow man ? Seems not …never mind I feel a retail mission coming on .. I need ( want, have to have ) new walking trousers how exciting huh .. I spend most of my time in jeans , hoodie/ fleece and outdoor gear … I have three pairs of walking boots … one salomon approx 18 yrs old my fave a second hand pair of brasher boots which I love dearly had them about 8 years and a newish pair of Scarpa boots which I detest they are horrible I hate them … and the wellies of course wellies .. hunters all the way love Le Chemeau but they don’t fit me very well …thankfully thou as they cost a bomb.

I also swear by Paramo Velez overhead waterproof/windproof jackets SR Cunninghams I love them they are warm and you don’t need to wear tons of layers under them just one or two base layers depending on how cold it is .. they last forever, they wash ( in special wash in stuff ) tumble dry, worth every penny in my humble opinion or his pennies as he’s just treated me to a new one … brand spanking new Clean, pristine , navy and turquoise .. fuck love my life … also have ( which are essential too ) Paramo Cascada waterproof/wind proof trousers now with these you don’t have to wear anything underneath so again you not like an onion and unable to move …base layer is fine under too if cold I can even get mine over jeans ! Now I am no skinny chick by any means and these are a fab fit with a fat arse like mine !! … lastly by no means least.madmoose.co.uk hats … the most gorgeous hand made bobble hats .. toasty all from http://www.srcunningham.co.uk.. super service , great advice and fab products my salomon boots (from there all those years ago !) have just been used every day for 2 weeks perfect dry feet every day fair play.

On that note I must finish off by saying I apologise for lack of grammar but I write like I am speaking & I apologise for overuse of the “F” word but that’s me ! … I have blogs written about my travels and I hope you enjoy them they jump back and to from now to last few years .. will keep on keeping on 💋❤️… cariad mawr …it’s time for Boot Camp (outdoor)💪🏻👊🏻😫… not been all summer it’s going to be a tough one but it’s like therapy with a group of great gals … wish me luck … x

PHOTO TAKEN ; LOCHDON , ISLE OF MULL

www.srcunningham.co.uk. … JACKET /BOOTS/HAT & BUFF ( need to go and buy new walking pole😂)
www.madmoose.co.uk. HATS HATS & HATS

www.rohan.co.uk SUMMIT TROUSERS really warm fleece lined great fOR my ever changing temp!!

Maiden voyage part 2

So here we are sailing in what feels like the middle of the ocean but really we are quite close to land … Ireland in fact … having mastered the art of de-rigging no mean feat I tell you .. in the smallest loo (in nautical terms called heads) undoing all the jacket zips, braces whilst hanging on with one hand and desperately trying not to loose bladder control .. timing the contact of ample butt with toilet seat with the motion of the waves needs to be rewarded with a bloody large gin.

Always one for taking risks … when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I was also embarking on a dream .. my bestie and I had chucked in our careers and built .. well not us entirely but builders… our “dream” isn’t it every gals dream to own a cake & coffee shop? I was asked so many times surely you will not continue now you have cancer … umm hello hell yeah bigger, better & faster than ever . There is a wonderful quote written by Mark Twain … which we based our crazy dream on … I was having chemo in hospital the Sister of the ward at the time was a wonderfully passionate lady called Jane who I am privileged to know… she was up to speed with all our antics and ended up putting a note on a private room door with my name on it as she said I was always on my mobile and mobiles were not allowed on the day ward … her favourite story is me asking her to keep quiet and shut the machine up as I was on phone with bank manager asking for a £10k overdraft to finish the build … he agreed unbeknown to him I was poorly and having chemo .. the only decent thing HSBC did for us! A huge high five sista (literally for Jane) who says I’m the naughtiest chemo patient she’s ever had.

We arrived in Glenarm the most delightful marina in County Antrim at 9.30am having braved for the first time in my case the high seas at night … I am no watch woman and spent my night popping my head up into cockpit offering tea & shortbread..it’s not easy making brews at sea using one hand trust me, let alone then running the gauntlet to get it to the crew on watch …. a seal popped its head up and I marvelled at the fact we had got here by sail power alone. Now for one of the best bits … apparently there is a rule on board that once anchored or moored you drink scotch … we made breakfast and set the table with the usual condiments along with a bottle of Famous Grouse happy days a few grouses later I was fast asleep in my bunk without being thrown around.

My last scotch binge was when my hair was just about growing back and was the most awful grey thick horrible stuff which belonged on a badger not me and my daughter 12 at the time was very poorly it’s a long saga but she was eventually diagnosed with Auto Immune Hepatitis it’s a lifelong illness controlled by medication .. her body basically attacks her liver .. thankfully she’s now 18 but unable to binge drink leave that to me .. high five! She takes it all in her stride and cracks on living a happy crazy life .. don’t know who she gets it from … one thing I will say is trust your instinct as a parent always when your kids are poorly I was made to feel like an over anxious parent for 3 months while she was loosing 2 stone & yellow .. they kept telling me and Mumma Bear it was a virus

The weather was kind and we set sail for home a long 24 hour sail .. I still can not believe I have managed to do this and not be sea sick! I felt quite proud of myself even smiling when the boat lurched and skipper yelled wave, Wave, WAVE, WAVE.. we sailed into the Menai Straits and moored onto a big yellow buoy waiting for high tide to sail through the notorious “Swellies” now I must tell you my last experience of these yellow buoys was a few months ago Mr Lover Lover and his crew (me!) had to do the same wait for the tide and it was blowing a gale, pouring with rain, poor vis .. I have arms wrapped around the bow sprit trying to tie a rope to this huge monstrosity I can not hear Mr Lover Lover barking orders as it’s too windy … I nearly get it when the wind blew and the boat moved (honest it wasn’t my fault!) and as I looked up some cheeky so and so was watching me from another boat through the binoculars.. fuck that the V’s were flicked … have they no idea how difficult it is being a novice in these conditions!

I had the best time through my chemo I decided to make sure I walked every day & I hooked up with friends and family, went out for lunches galore and shopped a lot and ate ice cream. The kids were only young and in primary school I remember going to watch the nativity play at lunch time in my wig with a huge scarf round my face so not to get in contact with germs. My kids had so much fun with my wigs they used to wear them and I would be howling with laughter as they danced round the house. I had polystyrene head “Polly” which wigs were placed on at night. My son said one day when his mates were round hey Mum ditch the wig they know you are bald … always wanted it to be a normal time for them and it was I hope.

We were welcomed into the marina by skippers Mum a truly remarkable lady who has sailed around the world and puts me to shame hopping on board nimbly at 85 … quite ironic I loved the Mark Twain quote all those years ago and now I am sailing .. My sailing kit is packed away till Feb next year when I am going to finish a competent crew course which I started in April this year did two nights and one day on board but had a dreadul chest infection so had to come home …real pisser!

I had a fabulous Saturday night at a gin tasting session with good friends .. lots of yummy gin fave being Merywen made locally by North Star Distillery and lots of Botox talk.. I have too many needles as it is to even contemplate Botox .. may consider polyfiller and a trowel … hell hitting 50 is utterly crap I still feel 40 … I drank too much gin as usual and suffered on Sunday Mr Lover Lover route marched me over the hills to blow the gin fumes away .. I have just bought a great pair of walking trousers from Rohan Roamers £69 (snigger always makes me laugh think it’s where 50’yr olds shop) two great zipped pockets … ideal for mobile plus you don’t look like you are going on a mountain expedition.

I have a truly exciting few weeks ahead … my house is rented therefore I have 3 monthly inspections (the only time it gets cleaned and dusted fuck housework it’s overrated) a gas check, consultants appointment, flu jab and a smear test oh deep joy let the good times roll … pass me a gin .. cariad mawr till next time xx

Give these a go …. buttery biscuits which I sometimes cut into heart shaped for pressies ❤️ 

Welsh all butter Shortbread 

125g/4oz Welsh butter ( I use Dragon Butter from Caernarfon Creameries)

55g/2oz caster sugar plus a bit to finish

180g/6oz plain flour

Makes 20 shortbread

Method
Heat the oven to 190C/375F/Gas 5.
Beat the butter and the sugar together until smooth.
Stir in the flour to get a smooth paste. Turn on to a lightly floured work surface and gently roll out until the paste is 1cm/½in thick.
Cut into fingers and place onto a baking tray. Sprinkle with caster sugar and chill in the fridge for 20 minutes.
Bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes, or until pale golden-brown. Set aside to cool on a wire rack.
Just yum!

HANOI ..planes, boats and people carriers 🛩🛳🚌

Fuck my life .. I flip from love my life to fuck my life on a regular basis … I am up too early and race around like a crazy chick muttering under my breath. I hate cleaning a million times, all ready for house inspection,he says between 10 & 11 and we all know he will rock up at 11 .. he does & greets me with oh there is a slate off your roof .. me .. really ahhhh good that’s for you to sort .. a plus to renting .

The dream business my bestie and I have started, nurtured, sweated blood & tears over has been leased out. We have officially called it a day .. I have a burning desire to see the world before my number is called … we, Mr Lover Lover, daughter & I decided on a whim to head off to meet son in Vietnam 🇻🇳 and travel for 3.weeks … happy funny times … starting with the check in at Manchester airport Emirates Air www.emirates.com ( Emirates win hands down for me every time )a great girl on check in tells me reason I had not been able to check in on line is because the flight is 35 overbooked … grim … we manage to get seats together and throw our cling filmed rucksacks on the scales.Ten kilos each, whoop whoop. She asks about hand luggage, I laugh and say mine’s heavy as I have my triumph bras www.uk.triumph.com in there and my swimsuit. A tankini never a bikini .😩Also Triumph .. my more than ample boobs being my best asset I cannot bear the thought of my luggage going missing and rocking up in Asia where the average bra size is 22AAA trying to work out what the hell to do … she shared my humour and thoughts and I reckon it paid off … last passport check before boarding ….those four words you long to hear … take a left turn… high five sista upgrade 💃business class to Dubai…
Talking of ample boobs I was very fortunate when diagnosed that my Consultant at that time obviously thought the same and his words when discussing options were “well we don’t want to get rid of those do we “… I have to say if that happens in the future I have no problem with it and Mr Lover Lover doesn’t either, so I was able to opt for surgery to remove tumour and have a very miss shaped & scarred right boob… hence my Love for triumph bras, the side seams are perfect for my scaring.. in a bra you can not tell I have had surgery … high five to Consultant his sewing skills…they are to be recognised. He clearly attended home economics class at school !!

We were escorted to our seats (with our tatty hand luggage)  … more like a sofa than a seat ..having travelled a lot this year in cattle class … I was like a child playing with the uppy and downy buttons , opening and closing the window blinds by remote , moving the seat to every position possible…I leaned forward and muttered to daughter ” ffs don’t you dare sleep on this flight this is a once a lifetime experience ” and say yes to everything …. Like three glasses of Veuve Clicquot champers . I was like a giggling teenager probably much to the annoyance of other full fare paying passengers…. also we were dressed like back packers daughter and I in Salomon speed cross trainers and walking trousers …loved the free perfume/hand lotion in the loos too! Mr Lover Lover even had two rusty nails & oysters .. ugh & there is an actual bar!!!

Whilst I was having treatment …as much as I am a traveller and always have had huge wanderlust I didn’t want to be far from home, a bit like a homing pigeon but it was a strange feeling. I was pretty much grounded for 6 months apart from the odd trip to Chester with the bestie … one time getting completely stuck in snow and having to be rescued we were laughing so much we could hardly stand up in the snow … our Mumma’s thought we were very irresponsible,we had gone in separate cars and they had left early, we carried on shopping .. take risks live life !.

We arrived in Dubai middle of the night and headed to gate to wait for connecting flight to Hanoi. Sat and watched a Vietnamese man load about 30 packets of Werthers Original butter candies into his hand luggage wtf? ….Oh dear karma kicked me right up the arse, cattle class… at its very best crammed in, not a space for anything, every overhead locker brimming with werthers, slow cookers, pyrex dishes … grim flight not even a USB to charge my phone …. I nearly meltdown when I get to 20%.

During and following chemo they do say it makes your brain fuzzy. I managed to break a phone , loose my purse and break a laptop. My memory is affected. Most definitely I can not remember words. I constantly say thingy and on the side when asked where something is … or is is it because I am nearing 50 … fuck how did that happen oh and I say fuck a lot as you know.

Touchdown Hanoi..(the boy arrives in two days ). (He’s the one who suggested the trip. Rings up and says Jen fancy Vietnam for a few weeks like its Liverpool we are meeting … we book flights for when he says then he messages oh yeah I won’t be there then I will be in Malaysia with mates ??? Will be there a few days later .. wtf !! Kids eh !) Crossing the road is impossible in Hanoi unless you are born on the other side. We spent ages trying and finally started walking right behind locals until we got the hang of it .. walk slowly don’t run is the answer . It’s 36deg and 100% humidity … we went on an overnight boat trip to Ha Long Bay ….I laughed a lot as the itinerary stated cooking class we ignored it ….preferring to take advantage of happy hour until dinner was served de-constructed along with a gas burner … we had no idea what to do…. giggled, had another beer and then they came to our aid and showed us how to assemble the spring rolls …. following this is our worst nightmare … karaoke… Vietnamese style … Mr Lover Lover got up to leave and they thought he was doing a turn … daughter and I under the table hysterical complete laughter meltdown 😂

One time whilst about to have a scan I was asked if I minded a student nurse (now I don’t mind any student but my veins were precious . Still are ) putting a cannular in. I said no but the senior nurse over ruled and student proceeded to pop a cannular in … during the scan you have iodine injected so radiographer gets clearer picture … anyone reading this who has had a scan with iodine knows the weird sensation that passes through your body … it feels like you are wetting yourself … halfway though scan the cannula popped and I had to go to the chemo day unit and have it re done …. pissed off to say the least … back in scan and this is whilst I am wearing a wig … scan done into changing room get dressed out of the delightful NHS gown ( which I never know which way to put on!!) there is a man on a trolley waiting to go to scan room and is clearly poorly being very sick … I don’t do vomit … in my haste to get dressed and get the fuck out of dodge I knocked my hand which immediately started pumping blood ..I had nothing to stem the flow, grabbed the curtain to yell for some help ( with no clothes on) in doing so knocked my wig half off leaving a bald half head hanging out of curtain … for some reason the poor guy being sick was so shocked at the sight of me he promptly stopped and stared in utter disbelief … there is a moral here … when I say no I bloody mean NO !
Halong Bay.. for me it was too busy with boats all over and too many people but that I guess is tourism . Food delicious and so fresh. We had a taxi from Hanoi which was a people carrier shared with three others and a driver who I think was trained by Lewis Hamilton… there was a young Irish couple and an Indian well dressed gentleman in the front, us at the back.I coped ( I am a nervous passenger which I have to say is much worse since diagnosis ) for most of the journey closing my eyes and muttering until one manoeuvre and I yelled FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKK completely forgetting the Indian gentleman, and the Irish lad just said ahhhh my thoughts exactly !! ..pass me a cider …. cariad mawr till next time xxx